Holly Stone-Pak

In Loving Memory

Holly Rachelle Stone Pak
January 21, 1967 - February 23, 2019

Obituary: Holly Rachelle Stone Pak
Dr. Holly Rachelle Stone Pak was born the third of five daughters to Dr. Maurice Lynn Stone and Lenore Nancy Stone. She was born in Chestnut Hill, PA, and spent her childhood years in Grove City, PA, Yellow Springs, OH, and Lynchburg, VA, where she met her husband of 28 years, Dr. Kenneth Pak.

Holly excelled in school, became the valedictorian in high school, graduated from college in three years Summa Cum Laude, and earned her MA at the University of Virginia and Ph.D. at the University of Pennsylvania. Holly started her teaching at English Language Program at the University of Pennsylvania, but later taught at the United Arab Emirates University (UAE) and at Gulf University for Science & Technology (Kuwait) with her husband who taught philosophy.

Holly enjoyed music and was a talented musician. She learned to play violin at an early age, as her sisters did, and spent much of her childhood performing at churches with them. She later added cello to her repertoire, and most recently electric bass-guitar, with which she admitted that she wasn't quite capable of rocking the house, but took comfort in the fact that she’d “come a long way”.

Holly also cherished being around her seven children. For many years, you could find her lying on a bed with her many children, reading books to them for hours into the night. She loved to sing and dance and be silly with her babies. Nothing else meant more to her than spending time and having fun with her children.

Holly loved water in all of its forms. Her favorite activities were floating on the swimming pool and bathing on the beach. She would spend hours lying on a secluded beach at night, staring at the moon and stars.

She was beloved by her friends from all around the world. She enjoyed the small weekly gathering of friends both in the UAE and in Kuwait. She would share life's struggles, challenges, and hopes with friends who mutually encouraged each other.

For several years, Holly battled colon cancer with grace and courage. She passed away peacefully surrounded by family at 10:14pm on February 23, 2019. She was 52 years old.

Holly is survived by her husband, Dr. Kenneth Pak, their children Rachel, Kalin, Michelle, Charlotte, Justin, Daniel, Jennelle Cerny and her husband, Kenaniah Cerny; her parents Dr. Maurice and Lenore Stone; and her sisters Sharon Priest, Karen Stowe, Laurie Stone-Ottey, and Christy Solomon.

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Eulogy for Holly Rachelle Stone-Pak
By
Kenneth Pak


When I first met my wife, I must confess that was not too keen on her. It was 1985. She was a freshman in college, and I was a sophomore. Then, I had no idea that I would spend the next 33 years of my life with her. Nor did I want to. Not at first. For one thing, she was quite a bit taller than me. She was way smarter than me—that bugged my ego. And we came from very different cultural backgrounds. Besides, she just wasn't my type. Neither she nor I had any romantic intentions. So, we had no need to impress each other. We let our guards down. We've come to know each very well, both strengths and weaknesses. We accepted each other plain and simple. We became best friends.

But as we learned from "When Harry Met Sally", a guy and a girl cannot really remain as friends. We started to miss each other when the other wasn't around. Our friendship became something more—a lot more in time. It came to a point where I could not imagine my life without her—something that I'm struggling with right now 33 years later.

Life wasn't easy when we began our married life. We were both working on our PhDs, we both had jobs, and we were serving at a church where Holly had to play the role of a pastor's wife. And then we had children. Boy did she love children! 1 child became 2, 2 became 3, 3 became 5—and yes, my math is correct, and yes, they are from the same mother—and 5 became 7. Two sets of twins. Saying that our life was hectic would be an understatement. In one of her publications, Holly's author biography reads something like this: "Holly Pak is a PhD candidate at the UP, teaches at ELP, serves as a Sunday school director at a local church, and is a mother of 5 children. In her spare time, she sits." Yes, sitting for her was a luxury then. But she took it all with a great stride, and she found joy wherever it could be found.

In all my life with Holly, what I loved about her is that she took to heart what the scriptural passage says. "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Indeed, she did. In all things, in all people, Holly looked for good, noble, lovely and admirable things. And that, in turn, made her good, noble, lovely and admirable.

To put this biblical passage in to philosophical terms, Holly truly sought and embodied the classical virtues of truth, goodness and beauty. First, Holly was beautiful. To be sure, her looks weren't my type, not at first. She wasn't flashy or sexy in her looks. But she had quiet, unpretentious, sublime beauty. The more I come to know her, the more I became attracted to her beauty.

But beyond the physical beauty, she had what I call creative beauty. Her thoughts, her words, and her actions all brought out the beauty in her and beauty in others. She did so, for example, when she played musical instruments, when she was encouraging her students to learn, when she was reading to our children, when she was dancing around in the house with them, or when she was hugging a friend—or a stranger for that matter—who needed comfort. So many of her friends, colleagues and students from all over the world have been sending me messages, telling me how beautiful she was. Indeed, as the poem that Rachel read says: "no flower, nor flint was in vain on the path [that Holly walked on]"

Holly lived the life of truth. She taught me the value of being honest and being truthful. She was always transparent. She was pure. There was no duplicity about her. She had that rare combination of being brutally honest and yet communicating that honesty with grace and goodwill. During all the years that I've known her, not once have I ever questioned her or doubted her, even regarding the tiniest of things. This is so important because truth is the fundamental basis of trust, and trust is the basis of any meaningful relationship. That's why lies, even the tiniest of white lies are so poisonous to relationship. But I never had to doubt our relationship. And I believe all her friends feel the same way about their meaningful relationships with her.

And then her goodness. That, I think, is what really drew me to her. She might not have been the smartest person in the world, although she was the valedictorian in her high school and earned her PhD from an Ivy League university. She might not have been the prettiest in the world, although Angelina Jolie has nothing on her as far as I'm concerned—maybe I'm biased.

But everyone who knew her was touched by her goodness. Even Mother Therese, who in my eyes is the symbol of goodness, has nothing on her either. No, Holly did not establish any charity organization. No, she did not receive any Nobel Peace Prize for humanitarian work. She did nothing that is so-called "great" in the measurable standards. But she did everything great. She did day to day things, little things, everywhere she goes, whomever she would meet, with a certain attitude that makes mundane things great. The little things, the things that you are not conscious of doing, the things that you are in the habit of doing that you don't even know that you're doing, the little things that become part of who you are. She did little things with joy, because joy was in her. In doing so, she saw the good in all things. She never had the patience for a negative or critical spirit. She focused on the good things in other people. That's what brought her joy, I think. And that's what drew me close to her. That's what drew people to her as well. Holly's goodness was so Jesus-like that—forgive me if I venture into blaspheme—I see her as the sister of Jesus.

Holly's sense of truth, goodness, and beauty, I think, stems from the love of God that she felt; the love of Jesus that she delighted in. God's love that she felt was not the kind that you put in a religious box. It was God's love without dogma, God's love without any guilt, burden or any strings attached to believe the right things or do the right things. Holly's love relationship with God was one that was freeing, totally freeing; it was almost wild. It was boundless; it was sublime; it was very real.

Since last summer, Holly knew that she was dying. But she kept on fighting cancer courageously, enduring so much pain and suffering each day, all along the way. It was very difficult 10 months for her, but she gave all she got, all for the sake of spending just a little more time with us. And now, she's gone to rest. But she did go in the way she wanted to go. The most valuable thing for her was her children. So, she wanted to die at home, with our children around.

During the last few days of her life, she was barely conscious due to so much medication. But I think she sensed that it was time. She, at one point, said that Jesus was sitting next to her on her bed. Later on that day, I think, she said to me in a frail voice: "I have to go home now. I'm so tired. I need to go home. I want to go home." As you could imagine, that was very hard thing to hear.

Right before her passing, the children and I said goodbye to her in turn. We then sang a couple of praise songs, including "You Never Let Go." I think she was content at that point. She started to breathe hard, but she didn't struggle. She then gently glided from our presence to the Lord's presence. She finally went home. I was holding her and watching her breathe, but I could not tell when she passed from our home in Rancho Palos Verdes to the other home, the home to which she wanted to go now. Looking back, it looked to me like she might have been in both homes at once for a moment. Her transition from this home to the next seemed so seamless.

Of course, we were making a ruckus with crying and clinging on to her because we wanted her to stay with us. We miss her so much. The world seems so very different now, so bland, so flavorless and so meaningless—that's how I'm feeling now. But I am glad for Holly. After courageously fighting so much pain and suffering, she is no longer bound by them. She is experiencing joy, I'm sure.

And that is what Holly would want from us, to experience joy. I know this because she told me so. Just before she told me she wanted to go home, she also said: "We need to count…. count… count the ways to have joy... ways people can have joy."

Counting the ways of joy seems very hard now. But I hope to do so in the near future. Perhaps if we think about the passage "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable", if we think on these things, maybe we could do it. Perhaps if we think about Holly, if we think about who she is, and what she means to us, and if we think about what she wishes from us, maybe we just might be able to count the ways of joy. After all, the reason why we are grieving so much is because Holly was so true, so noble, so right, so pure, so lovely and so admirable.

In closing, I want to share a song. It's a song that Holly had set in her alarm clock to wake up in the morning. A few days ago, Holly and I were listening to songs that she used to enjoy—songs from Simon & Garfunkel to Mormon Tabernacle Choir to Matt Redman. She was half conscious-unconscious. But when "10,000 Reasons" came on, she sat up and started to lift her hand in her praise posture. Even then, "when her strength was failing, when the end drew near, when her time has come, still her soul sings God's richness in love". Even when she was dying, she was finding reasons to bless the Lord, and finding reasons for joy. Indeed, that's my sweetheart dear Holly, and that's what she wishes for us: to count the ways of joy and to bless the Lord.

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A Song of Living

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.
I have sent up my gladness on wings, to be lost in the blue of the sky.
I have run and leaped with the rain, I have taken the wind to my breast.
My cheeks like a drowsy child to the face of the earth I have pressed.
Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.

I have kissed young love on the lips, I have heard his song to the end,
I have struck my hand like a seal in the loyal hand of a friend.
I have known the peace of heaven, the comfort of work done well.
I have longed for death in the darkness and risen alive out of hell.
Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.

I gave a share of my soul to the world, when and where my course is run.
I know that another shall finish the task I surely must leave undone.
I know that no flower, nor flint was in vain on the path I trod.
As one looks on a face through a window, through life I have looked on God,
Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.
Amelia Josephine Burr